Diamand Dave interview
I met Diamand Dave on Facebook, where I recognized him from the many photos of BBW parties around America. But besides being a well-known face in the BBW community, he also has his own website on the subject (linked at the end of this interview) and is quite outspoken of his preference for curvy women.
Dave is - as we say in Holland - “A man to my heart”, meaning, a person one can level with. Dave is and has been a Fat Admirer since he was very young, but like myself, hasn't always found others to be so accepting of that.
I wanted to interview Dave because both for his outspoken preference and because he's just a great guy and very open to talk to. If you ever meet him, go talk to him, you won't regret it!
Dave thank you for doing this interview with me. I have always felt a kindred spirit in you ever since I first read your website. It also surprised me to see a man who is so outspoken about his preference for big girls, as that is quite uncommon at least in my country.
Note: Fat Admirers (or FA's) can be male and female, and no distinction is made or implied here between them.
Coen: My first questions to you are about being a Fat Admirer, what it means for you and how you go about it in your daily life.
So let me start off by asking you to please tell us a little about you (i.e. where you're from, where you live, what you do for a living, anything you think is relevant really).
Dave: I was raised in the military. I have literally traveled all over the world, I've been from sea to shining sea and beyond. By trade I am a Massage Therapist, but I am also a Life Coach, and a Motivational Speaker.
Coen: Cool! Alright, so about ‘Fat Admiration/Admirer’, or ‘FA’ in short, would you say a Fat Admirer is someone that loves women who are fat, plus-size, curvy, etc., or do you describe it differently?
Dave: A True FA (male or female) finds a woman of size to be attractive. A female doesn't need to be a specific weight, shape or size. It's what someone finds physically appealing.
Coen: Do you think that a Fat Admirer needs to be outspoken about sharing their preference with the rest of world?
Dave: No, a person doesn't have to be outspoken. They do need to be true to themselves in their preference. I feel if someone isn't true to themselves they aren't doing anyone any favors. Any person - male or female - needs to be at least comfortable with their own choice. When you have a solid grasp of what you like and want, the doubters will be minimized.
Coen: Suppose a Fat Admirer isn't outspoken about their preference (or is only outspoken about it to certain people), would you say they still help the Fat Acceptance cause?
Dave: Of course, you don't need to shout it on the street corner standing on a soapbox. Living in what you believe is the strongest message. When do you have convictions in what you like and want? Other people are witnessing the way you conduct your life.
If a person is a bit shy, they can build their confidence with close family and friends that will understand. Once the momentum has started in that area, everything will start to blossom. We teach people how to treat us, believe it or not, with our actions, reactions, habits, and behavior.
Coen: Yes that is true and well spoken!
The very first time you got laughed at, or received a distasteful comment, about being a Fat Admirer, did that aggravate you?
Dave: When I was growing up, there was no such thing as an FA. It was just called “Liking fat people.”. I have always liked (been attracted to) bigger girls. It very much made me upset.
I was raised to respect the other person. Treat them with dignity and honor. Treat them the way I want to be treated. So when I was ridiculed I found it insanely rude and disrespectful.
I see people as a person, not as a label or a stereotype. Judge their personality and character, not the way they look or dress.
Coen: But did you ever stop being outspoken when things like this would happen to you?
Dave: I didn't have my voice yet. Once I had found my voice, I didn't back down. Allowing them to see everyone is a person. Just because they don't look the same, or are different from what the media portrays, or what people think, does not make them any less of a person.
Coen: Yes I agree with that.
So being laughed at, ridiculed or worse, where did you get the strength to deal with this?
Dave: Remembering what my dad taught me as I was growing up. Once I'd made up my mind about my preference in women, I became more confident and assured of what I liked. I could see that the more confident I became in my decision, the less people questioned or ridiculed me.
Coen: So your father played an important role in your life. But were there times you weren't able to cope with it and would you try something else, like take a totally different approach?
Dave: I would not ever walk away from admiring a big girl. I'd look at myself and evaluate in what I am doing. Am I giving people a reason to question my preference or decision?
Have there ever been occasions where people make such a problem out of your preference that they decided they wouldn't want to be around you anymore for it?
Dave: Yes, within my own civil war. I lost some close friends, because they didn't understand why I liked big girls. They liked the skinnier girls. I feel they had their minds made up that a big girl was subhuman and couldn't get over the social differences.
Coen: Wow.. It startles me every time I hear this from a guy, even though I don't talk to a lot of (outspoken) FA's.
So how did you deal with this?
Dave: I had to let them go, as much as I didn't want to. I could see we were going in different directions. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to. I supported them in what they liked, but they were unable to do the same.
Coen: Exactly, you accepted them, but they couldn't accept you.
How about yourself, have you ever stopped seeing people, because they couldn't handle your preference for BBW, or were otherwise very nasty about it with you?
Dave: Yes, I felt a couple of friends were not mentally and emotionally healthy for me. The level of open-mindedness and maturity was not there, or anywhere close.
Coen: Do you think Fat Admirers eventually look for people more akin or accepting of the BBW community because they're finding little acceptance within their existing circle of friends?
Dave: In some aspects, we all have a common bond, a certain level of camaraderie. We all have been through the same things socially to one degree or another. People want to feel accepted, and like they are a part of something. Everyone wants to feel like they count.
Coen: So one last question about this subject; Do you think Fat Admirers hide their preference just because of fear of being ridiculed, or do you think there are other reasons as well?
Dave: It's very unfortunate people today feel they have to curtail their emotions and preferences. The media teaches us from the day we're born to be uniform. Not to per se stick out. The media shows the public how they should look, feel, act, behave, and even how to live. Anything outside of that realm is considered radical.
If you're overweight, for example, you don't have an opinion, dreams, emotions, you don't count, or even have a vote (as the media sees it). In some circles, it's seriously frowned upon, to the point of being an outcast for being different.
Coen: So let's talk a little about ‘Fat Activism’, meaning the act of evangelizing the subject of ‘Fat Acceptance’ to society.
Do you think enough is being done to promote Fat Acceptance?
Dave: For me personally it's not about the words Fat Activism or even Fat Acceptance! Those words ‘Fat Activism’, or ‘Fat Acceptance’ to me mean a new concept. Like when they would demonstrate in the 1960's, trying to have something integrated that's brand new.
I believe it's more about finding the voice we use to have. When we look at the pictures of women back in the turn of the 1900's, they are very statuesque, and full-figured. They worked in the fields along side their husbands, making a life for themselves. They worked for everything they had. They made do with what little was earned, given or known.
Our food knowledge, environment, and technology has literally leap-frogged over itself in such an alarming pace. The human body can't catch up. There needs to be more education within a family, the community, and beyond.
Coen: Very good point, our foods have become fatter and although that isn't always why people gain weight, we need to be realistic at the same time about our diets that they can't always be non-fat.
So what initiatives have you seen in your life to advance Fat Acceptance?
Dave: There was a time in television, when you saw a couple's master bedroom. There were two separate beds, clothed from head to toe. You never saw a woman who was pregnant.
Now there are plus-size women on television. Not being the funny goofy girl. Who's the comic relief anymore, being the chubby or fat friend? There are roles that show plus-size women that are talented, sexy, smart, and even attractive.
Coen: Have you participated in or are still involved with any initiatives yourself, like awards to prominent and active people?
Dave: I won the 2010 FA Award. I feel so honored, and blessed. I support people who want to better themselves. This reminds me of a quote from the famous Albert Einstein:
I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn.
We are all different with our own talents, gifts, and abilities. I am not one who is going to squelch the dreams or passion of someone else. If that's what they truly want, who am I to stand in their way?
Coen: Right. Well, parents can play a role in advocating Fat Acceptance too. I think it's important to let children know at a very early age it's wrong to discriminate, don't you agree?
Dave: My parents taught me we are all the same. One should not be judged with their physical appearance. I believe discrimination is taught. Children are born with a clean white board of life. What the parents write (teach, role-modeling their behavior) goes on that board for life. Whatever they do, and more importantly don't do will be written on there forever!
Coen: Do you agree with me to say it's something that should even be part of the educational system, i.e. children role-playing life like scenarios, undergoing ridicule and bullying themselves, so they know what it feels like?
Dave: Bullying has always been around. What's the difference in today's age? Technology! It's not just taking your milk money or stealing your lunch anymore. It's far past that and beyond. People are literally killing themselves, with little or no consequence for the bully (or bullies). Unless or until there is a steep penalty for this act. There's not much any one person can do.
The parent(s) has/have no accountability or responsibility for the child's action. Saying, my child would never do that (behave, act, or be a part of that type of activity). I didn't raise them to act like that. It must be the other child provoking or starting things first with my child.
Coen: Well, I agree. But I also think that penalties alone are not going to do it. I've been bullied myself for years because I was the tallest and skinniest in my class, and some kids were penalized, but the bullying went on. I think if those kids back then had experienced firsthand (by role playing) what it is like, chances might be it had completely stopped.
So what about your parents, were they supportive of you, or was it perhaps somewhat of a taboo for them to talk about this in that time?
Dave: My parents were supportive, especially my dad. Being raised in the military, I was surrounded by a certain level of behavior, anything underneath what was expected was not tolerated. My dad supported me in every aspect of my childhood, any and every question I had, through sports, and even through discovering girls.
Coen: Sounds like the best parents you could wish for!
Well, I have one last question for you. I always ask this one to FA's and every time I do I get a different answer. Imagine being at the counter of a grocery store and you see this nice plus-size lady whom you'd like to pay a compliment to. Would you specifically make a comment about her size?
Dave: Like a knee-jerk reaction, I wouldn't ever compliment a woman on her size or shape! Women are very conscious about their own body image. Women/girls don't need to be reminded of how big they are (or where they are big), even if it is a good intended compliment. What a male finds attractive (in part or whole) in a female, that might be (or more than likely) her biggest insecurity.
If a guy is trying to compliment a female in a positive way, then smile when saying hello, ask her about her day. There are many things you could discuss or mention which would build her self-esteem. Look into her eyes when you speak with her, don't stare at her chest. Don't let your eyes wonder or roam all over her body. Looking her up and down as if she's only a piece of meat. That doesn't send the proper message.
Treat her with the respect, dignity, and honor which she deserves. Talk to her like a person, she is just like you. She has the same emotions as everyone else.
On the other hand, if a guy only compliments (talks about) a female's size - either he likes how big she is, or asks if she has a problem of gaining (x amount of lbs. or weight) - it's obvious to the female what he wants. And a true healthy relationship is near the bottom of that list.
Coen: Dave, you're a stand-up guy! Thank you once again for doing this interview with me, talking about yourself and your admiration for BBW and what goes on in the BBW community.
Visit Diamand Dave's website (or open in a new window).